Choice: One Year of Deliberate Transformation.

The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our "stars" but in ourselves. 

~ Shakespeare's Cassius.

One year ago I, along with my young daughter, moved from New York, a city whose skyline adorned the walls of my childhood bedroom and whose scenes filled my dreams and veins for decades, for Dallas, a city I considered at best utterly foreign, and at worst nothing more than a collection of red state stereotypes best only considered at 30,000 feet when traveling between coasts. But it was the home of someone that I loved and his family and friends, and experience had finally taught me that this was so much more important than a city. And if I was going to live somewhere new, then I was going to find what made it wonderful and I was going to fall in love with it. I never would have guessed that this would happen so easily and so quickly. It was a combination of what Dallas actually had to offer and the place I was in my life that made this happen. 

Years before I would ever even consider living in Texas, shortly after my 30th birthday, I made the decision to live a more deliberate life in reaction to the realization that my life was on a counterproductive path of passivity. I had wasted too much time letting the proverbial chips fall where they may. On the theme of “excellence is not an act but a habit,” I knew I had to make some major life changes, and as I did my tastes and goals became clearer. With each new choice that I made, it became not only easier, but also more rewarding and more thrilling. What else could I do? What else could I learn? I started to realize for the first time the power within me, and that I had a responsibility to use it.

With a new long-distance relationship to a Texan becoming a larger factor, my determination to make positive conscious choices for us became stronger. And when the further development of that relationship eventually required a cross-country move, I knew I had to fully embrace my decision in order to avoid later misplaced resentment. Like everything else, I learned that starting over in a new city is what you decide to make of it. People loved Dallas, and I was determined to find out why and experience it myself.

Circumstances were not perfect. As I prepared for my move, life-threatening illnesses affected family on both sides. My first three months as a Texan were spent traveling for work and for family, including a week spent in Boston to donate stem cells. But with each struggle and deterrent that I encountered, I became even more determined to push past it and live a fuller life.

As a teenage exchange student in Greece, I learned to step outside of my own culture in order to understand and accept a new one, and I applied this practice to my new adventure as a Dallasite. I threw myself into the culture, pushing aside comforts of the familiar and trying as many new things as I could. Challenging myself at every venture, questioning old habits and tastes, I opened myself to new experiences, people, and ideas daily.

At first in the chaos I simply opened my heart to the people and activities that were automatically part of my new life. Some have stayed because I chose to keep them. Some I knew would never fit, and they dropped out organically as I expected they would. New people came into the picture, welcoming me with true southern hospitality and inviting me to join them in new experiences. It was a shock to my New Yorker sensibilities, but I grew to appreciate them exponentially.

Probably the biggest challenge of the past year has been learning how to drive for the first time. For various reasons that I won't get into now, I never had a drivers license, but I knew it was absolutely a requirement in my new state if I was going to have the life that I was trying to lead. This challenge required the encouragement and at times force by my fiance, I admit, but in the end it was the most important of my adventures and I ended up with my first driver's license 2 days before my 33rd birthday. 

Physically I have undoubtedly changed. Of course I am most definitely wearing brighter colors, more make-up, longer and, yes, bigger hair, and higher heels than I ever thought I would or could. At times a conscious choice in a "if you can't beat 'em…" mindset, and sometimes I even surprise myself. Occasionally I force myself to wear all black with my ponytail and glasses again, just feel like "myself." I was requested to gain weight for the transplant, and it wasn’t hard when adapting to the cuisine and car culture of Texas. The difficult part was losing it afterwards, so I made some new healthy choices, starting yoga and running my first and second 5K races. The results have been more strength, flexibility, and energy than ever before, despite not ever being able to shed those “Texan Ten.”

When my daughter wanted to take ballet, I signed up for whatever adult class was happening at the same time. When the studio later started offering Bollywood class, I couldn’t resist. I ice-skated for the first time, and that same evening walked to the middle of the rink and sang the National Anthem before a minor league hockey game. I was probably expected to back out from nerves, having not done it since high school. But I didn’t, and it was another successful attempt at something new.

I started seeking out more new opportunities. I did my first pub crawl, which included my first ride on a mechanical bull. I got my first pair of cowboy boots and actually wore them with a cocktail dress at a fundraising event with the cast of Dallas. I attended my first professional football games and fashion shows. I traveled to Orlando, Boston, New York, New Orleans, North Carolina, Berlin, Krakow, Frankfort, Shanghai, Beijing, Laguna Beach, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Cancun, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Francisco, Chicago, and Austin. To facilitate these travels for a mix of work, family, and pleasure, I've tried to learn or re-learn Mandarin, German, Spanish, and Polish, spending hours in coffee shops and pubs with tutors.  I realized recently that I know exactly one perfect useful phrase in each now, and at least one in each to offend or amuse native speakers. 

Spicy food no longer scares me and football no longer bores me. My new circle of friends is beautifully varied, full of fascinating people that I chose to be there and feel honored to have in my life. People from my old life that once held me back are no longer prominent, a choice that was difficult but with the help of loved ones and professionals became all too clear.

Arriving in Texas one year ago, exhausted from moving and goodbye celebrations, I was greeted with a bouquet of yellow roses and treated to a classic barbeque lunch. I knew if I was going to do this, I was going to do it all the way and I welcomed the challenges ahead. I know now that the things I've learned, the experiences I've had, and the love I've felt since opening my heart and mind and purposely living outside of my comfort zone are irreplaceable. I am a better mother, a better partner, a better friend, a better professional, and a better person because of the events of the past year. I know that I never would have felt the joy that I do now had I not chosen to live this deliberate life, and I’m proud to have done it here in Dallas.

Drive.

 

It is a long story as to why I didn't get my first driver's license until 2 weeks prior to my thirty-third birthday. While I did live in New York City for most of my adult life and certainly didn't need to drive during that time, I'm not actually from NY so that's not really an excuse. Mostly I was just too damn busy. I spent the summers of my teen years living in a small beach town where I could walk or bike everywhere, and during the rest of the year I was so involved in school and local theater that I couldn't be bothered to find the time to learn to drive. We weren't allowed to have cars on campus at my small university in Pennsylvania anyway, and then I high-tailed it up to the big bad Big Apple as soon as I could. I lived in walkable South Beach while in Miami, and while in west midtown in Atlanta for a few months I really never needed to drive as my jobs and social life were all in a small easy radius of my loft. The more time that went by, the more I learned to live without driving a car, and to be honest the more the idea of it frightened me. When you're older you have had the chance to see the damage that driving can cause, and you've probably lost a friend or two in accidents. I was in no hurry to take on that level of responsibility, thank you very much.

But it was always understood that when I moved here to Dallas I would need a car, and a license to drive it. It was usually one of the first remarks made when I brought up the subject of moving; "I guess you're going to have to learn how to drive then!" I accepted this reality and knew I would have to get over my fear. Friends in NYC graciously offered to watch my daughter while I took a few lessons from the local driving school, but driving in Queens is nothing like driving on Texas highways. Nothing. And my Texan's shiny black Audi A5 is a little different than the driving school Toyota Corollas. So taking "lessons" from him when I arrived here was like starting over completely. Not knowing my way around didn't help. I couldn't have found Dallas on a map before a year ago.

Luckily, living in West Village has been really wonderful, with multiple boutiques, salons, a Starbucks, yoga studio, grocery store, and restaurants within walking distance, as well as my daughter's school. It's been a lot like back home, only cleaner and quieter. The free Uptown Trolley takes us down to the Arts District and everywhere in between, and cabs, my Texan and his family have been sufficient for the rest until now. I'm sure I've been quite the sight around here, walking between Albertson's and the bank and our townhouse carrying groceries and drycleaning in my reusable canvas shopping bags, with the other hand holding a cup of coffee and phone, just like I did in New York. That aside, it has been nice to get out and learn my neighborhood and I like to think I may have inspired a few other people to leave their cars behind when running local errands.

But with the approaching summer and the beginning of my job search, we knew that it was only a matter of time before a car was a necessity. My Texan has been an incredibly patient instructor over the last eight months, whenever we had the time for him to teach me, which wasn't often. With every work trip I went weeks without getting behind the wheel, delaying my progress considerably. Still, he would insist that I drive during our weekend pilgrimages up to Allen, giving me the highway experience that I had lacked. I was scared to death, with you people in your big SUVs and trucks speeding down 75 and my daughter singing or sleeping in the back seat. But he coached me and encouraged me, teaching me everything I needed to learn for my test and also the more practical lessons about Texan drivers and roads.

Finally I felt somewhat ready and realized that I wanted to get this thing before my first birthday in Texas. I filled out the necessary paperwork, stood in multiple lines at the DL office in Cedar Hill, and made the soonest possible appointment for the driving test, 2 days before my birthday. If I didn't pass I wouldn't make my goal, making me even more determined. The day arrived and, with the loving encouragement from my fiance and little girl, I got in the car with the stoic man who would decide my fate. I bombed parallel parking (I'm blaming nerves) but aced the rest. I parked the car and he said "you passed," and a few tears came to my eyes and I couldn't wipe the grin from my face. I waited twice as long as most Americans for this milestone and that made it so much more thrilling. And a relief. My birthday was a celebratory occasion for so many reasons this year, but this was the biggest.

***

Bread Winners was one of the first places I went to in Dallas for brunch. I'd forgotten about that until returning the other evening. My Texan told me even before I moved here that it was a top brunch spot for Dallasites, and after experiencing it I understood why. There were (and are) always lines of people waiting for tables weekend mornings, and deservedly so. But last week, I was invited to a lovely event at the Inwood Village location highlighting their sexy new cocktail menu. As a new girl in town, I am so appreciative the invites that come my way and I was excited to see some of my favorite new people there, and of course any opportunity to sample new cocktails is always welcome. I mean, really.

But attending this event meant driving all by my lonesome for my first driving night out. I would need those cocktails when I arrived as it was. But the day before, while cramming into the back seat of the 2-door car to replace a freshly laundered car seat lining, I heard a thump in the front and turned around in horror to find my 4-year old daughter holding the rear-view mirror, the wires still attached to the windshield. My Texan handled it surprisingly well, and he and I spent the next half hour trying to re-affix the mirror, to no avail. It was clear that we needed professional help but there would be no opportunity for a few days. The more experienced driver of us was fine of course, but I was not happy about this at all. Not one bit.

Determined to make it to the event at Bread Winners out of appreciation for their hospitality and a need to get out of the house (working from home is not always ideal), I kissed my loves goodbye and set out for Inwood Village. With a brand new license, 5-inch heels, and a useless rear-view mirror dangling from the windshield, I made it to Bread Winners and was rewarded generously with good friends, new friends, and their mulitple new cocktails. I couldn't drink too many of those, being far too nervous about my ride home, but I sampled quite a few and they are not too shabby. This ain't just brunch-land anymore.

But all of the sampling aside, it was wonderful to catch up with some friends in the light and airy atmosphere and make some new friends too. I am sure most of the people there had no idea what a monumental evening that was for me. I delayed my exit for a bit because of my nerves, chatting up all of the other fabulous attendees as long as I could, but eventually is was time to get back in the saddle, so to speak. And so I did. I grabbed my bag of Bread Winners cookies and walked solo across the parking lot towards that beautiful shiny black car with the dangling rear-view mirror, opened the door, sat in the driver's seat and smiled.

***

I made it home sans incident that night, despite the availability of so many beautiful cocktails. The mirror was fixed the next day. This weekend I had my first opportunity to drive around a borrowed Cadillac Escalade monster to escort my visiting family around town and was reluctant with that too at first but didn't do too badly. My driver's license card came in the mail this week and although a few friends tried to bribe me to NOT drive in their neighborhoods for a few months, I am really looking forward to the next invitation and solo night out. And of course the next big step of buying my first car. I will still be walking around my neighborhood a lot regardless; it's convenient, it's healthy, and above all I like to do it and it reminds me of my old life. But I admit that it will be so nice, for the first time in my life, to have the option to get in my car and drive.

Balance.

I have gained ten pounds, give or take, since moving to Dallas in November. This has several causing factors, including a 20-fold increase (at least) of my annual consumption of Tex-Mex cuisine, a decrease in the necessity for running for a train in 3-inch heels several times a day, a Texas-sized refrigerator right upstairs form my work-at-home office, and an overall lessening of hourly stress (like trying to dodge tourists around Rockefeller Center). Thankfully, as my Texan so eloquently puts it, the weight "is in all the right places," supposedly. Still, when you're used to feeling lighter on your feet, the extra pounds can inspire you to make a few changes.

The last time I was in a gym was 2004. But in my ongoing quest to relax and get both my body and mind healthier now that I've left the big bad big apple, I decided to take a mere two block stroll from my new house and try yoga for the first time in my life. I always had real excuses not to try yoga before: no time, no money, the logistics of getting to a studio using public transportation, too much work to do, and a simple lack of necessity in my logical mind. But like everything else in relation to my move down here, the obstacles all moved aside in one cohesive sweep and a path was cleared for my next step in my journey of new Texan self-discovery.

It feels good. I stretch and challenge muscles I was never aware of before. It is a warm - literally- and welcome environment, as peaceful and full of positive energy as I've come to expect after years of pop culture exposure to the practice. The instructors at Gaia Flow Yoga are amazingly patient, making sure that even the most novice of their students (me) is learning and growing at their (my) level of ability. What I am learning goes so much further than the physical, however. I am learning to relax, I am learning to take time for myself, and I am learning to balance, in all areas of my life.

~

This past Friday was much like some of my favorite spring evenings in Manhattan. On Oak Lawn Avenue we enjoyed an early and light dinner at the utterly charming Parigi, a restaurant owned by one of my new favorite people in Dallas, Chef Chad Houser, and his lovely partner Janice Provost, who as luck would have it was behind the bar that night. As it was early, we only dined on a few chef-recommended appetizers, but they were all perfect. Janice helped us to pair wines with our meal and we thoroughly enjoyed the company of staff and fellow patrons immensely. Unfortunately we had to move on, but for good reason. We had, courtesy of a dear friend, tickets to the TITAS Command Performance La Fête du Ballet. Sitting in the orchestra of the beautiful Winspear Opera House later that evening, we sat in awe as some of the world's most celebrated and accomplished dancers performed. The classical pieces were gorgeous, but MOMIX's Millennium Skiva impressed even my Texan, and TUU featuring Steven Ezra Marshall and Rebecca Rasmussen moved me to tears. The entire evening was pure elegance. We gasped and applauded in distinguished appreciation and amazement.

On Saturday I drove (which, as an ex-New Yorker I am still learning how to do) north to Allen for another dinner and another show. And it could not have been more of a contrast. It was raining, so we parked and ducked into the first restaurant that would have us, the adorable Cotton Patch Cafe. My 3-year old daughter colored her place mat and drank her chocolate milk while I contemplated the amount of butter in the basket of bread placed on our table. It wasn't exactly a Manhattan crowd, to say the least, and it certainly wasn't a meal that will help me lose that extra Texas weight, but it was warm and it was cozy and the server was sweet. After dinner we crossed the street and spent the next two hours watching the Allen Americans hockey team defeat the Missouri Mavericks 4-3 at the Allen Event Center with family and old friends. Hockey players fought on the ice. Young local girls danced during halftime with the Ice Angels. The mascot Biscuit and Ronald McDonald posed for photos with little (and big) fans. We clapped, we cheered, we rang cowbells. It was fun.

It was the poignant juxtaposition of the two evenings that I found fascinating. Friday was black satin and a low chignon, champagne and single malt scotch. Saturday was cotton denim and a ponytail, popcorn and domestic beer out of a can.

Both evenings were wonderful. Both were needed. Both were Dallas.

~

It is less and less surprising to me how relaxed I find people here to be. Relaxed and healthy. And I realize that it is due to the balance that you (we) have here. We can get all of the extremes that we want but if we look for it, running down the center, through our core, is a beautiful balanced life of art and comfort, elegance and fun, culture and family, work and play.

Namaste.

Assimilation.

My post "Assimilation: A Dallas Pub Crawl Story" can be found at this link on CraveDFW

Acclimation.

My post Acclimation can be found at CraveDFW: 

http://cravedfw.com/2012/03/01/acclimation

Gourmand.

 

"There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign.” 

~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Moving to a new city, region, or even neighborhood is overwhelming for many reasons and of course most of it is logistical. But I knew that one way to feel at home was to immediately get my taste buds on the pulse of the food scene in Dallas the way I had in New York, and that has become a personal mission since arriving. I have been a Texan for twelve weeks, during six of which I was not actually in Texas, so I'm doing the best that I can. Although I've rarely ventured outside of Uptown, and I have plenty still on my 'to do' list, I have already found some shining stars.

Favorite Food Experience

Private Social: By far this is the best restaurant I have been to in Dallas. The food is inventive yet comfortable, the service is perfect but not stuffy, and the decor is elegant yet fun. We had the most wonderful Saturday night dinner here and I can't wait to go back. Chef Tiffany Derry (Top Chef) leads guests through her kitchen, welcoming each warmly and inviting them to take photos. I know this because we were lucky enough to get a table right next to the window into the kitchen, and it was a joy to watch. Every staff member was warm and beyond hospitable, and a lot of fun to talk to. Favorite foods sampled included the Kumamoto oysters (a special for Valentine's Day, but I hope they will stay on the menu), The Top Chef Pork Buns (rivaling David Chang's in my memory), and Pastrami Cured Hiramasa. I let the server (shout out to Justin) choose our wine and cocktails and wasn't disappointed.

Notable Neighborhood Gems in West Village:

These places get bonus points because I can walk to them- a luxury in my new city.

For Bar & Atmosphere:

 Overview: If I want a swanky martini lounge (and I often do), nobody tops what Manhattan does in that department. What I've enjoyed in Texas thus far are laid back places like these: 

Katy Trail Ice House - There is no place like this in New York. (Except maybe Astoria Beer Garden, but this place is better.) I'm told it's typical of Austin, which makes me want to take the drive down there as soon as possible. Sit outside at picnic tables right off of the Katy Trail, under trees and twinkling lights, order from the list of 50 beers on tap (quite a few of them rare locals) and listen to great music. The crowd is unpretentious young professionals, and dogs are welcome. FTW.

The Union Bear - This place is pure Brooklyn. That's a good thing. We went opening night and I felt right at home. It rocked an atmosphere of a gastropub with the cuisine of my beloved gourmet food trucks (I miss you Rickshaw Dumplings!) Like the KTIH, the service and crowd are unpretentious and fun. I sincerely hope this is a new trend in Dallas, a city that is getting far too much press for it's "Real Housewives" and "Most Eligible" scene.

Cru Wine Bar in West Village- Rumor has it that "nobody goes there anymore." But they should. And here's why: the atmosphere is intimate, elegant and romantic, the wine list is impressive, the food is great and meant for sharing, and the service is delightful. It reminded me of some of my favorite Manhattan wine bars. Maybe the Dallas scene-sters have moved on but I loved it and plan to return often.

For Food:

The Fish - The sushi is above passable and at times quite creative, the service is friendly and good, the bar is above par, the decor is beautiful, and I can walk to it from my house. But they did something wrong- the layout of the restaurant doesn't work. It's not cozy or inviting and not quite sexy either. Like a lot of places in Texas, it's just too open and exposed. Of course for a town of people who love to be seen, maybe that's what they were going for.

Baboush- Simply adorable. The menu was authentic, the service and food were outstanding, the presentation was perfect. It's small and intimate but, like The Fish, very exposed because of a big window wall facing the street. A lower ceiling and more cushy couches around small tables meant for sharing plates would make this place perfect. I want to bring a big group of friends, order everything on the menu, and end the night with mint tea and hookah.

Mi Cocina - This is where I had my first Tex-Mex meal in Dallas. The sexy bar area is hopping at night and the tables are full for lunch and dinner. I am not an expert in this cuisine yet but I've enjoyed every bite and sip here thus far. And Taco Diner - A more casual version of Mi Cocina right across the street. I want to give everyone who works here a hug. Fun and energetic atmosphere, great margaritas, exposed kitchen, friendly waitstaff, and good food. My 3-year old loves the quesadillas and the staff loves her.

Crimson Asian Cuisine- It's amazing that it made it on to my list as it's BYOB. But I checked it out for lunch and was pleasantly surprised with the pho, which I am thrilled to find a block away from my house. Everyone dining there looks like they know they're in on the secret- the food is great.

 Del Frisco's Grille

This place gets it's own paragraph because it was thoroughly frustrating. Having passed many happy hours at Del Frisco's in Manhattan (as it was one elevator ride from my office), I was expecting at least some of the old-world elegance. Instead I got a sports bar that happened to serve good steaks and comfort food (both easy to find in Texas) and have wine racks for walls, as if that was to give it class. The decor was a mesh of contemporary and classic, but not in a good way. It was like a Broadway show with too many producers who all wanted a different story (see: the first version of Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark) and just agreed to disagree. Of course this is perfect for the group of friends who can't all agree on one type of restaurant (the not-so-secret to success outside of the Five Boroughs). The food and wine list were good of course, and yes- I understand it's supposed to be less formal as the 'grille' concept. But it did not work for me and I was as much distracted by this mishmash of concepts as at the difference between the classy Mad Men types seen at my NY haunt and this 'Look At My Striped Shirt' and 5-inch heels 30K millionaire Uptown crowd. It made my stomach turn and the "Cheesesteak Eggrolls" (as a native Pennsylvanian, these hurt my heart a little) harder to digest.

The "Club Deuce Award" Nomination

For places that you gravitate towards after a night of drinking elsewhere, which I've named after the bar on South Beach that I often 'ended up at' in my early 20's:

The Loon - The drinks are really strong, the music is really loud, the decor is non-existent, and it's located in a shopping strip in a big lit parking lot. And yet, everyone flocks to it. Supposedly the food is good but because of the tendency to end up rather than start there, I can't give this an accurate review yet. And I don't think I want to. Because the important part is, everyone is having a great time, which is exactly what you want in a neighborhood dive.

Digestif

Generally the same qualities I miss in people, I miss in restaurants: edgy, adventurous, and authentic. I want the people I spend time with, and the places I spend time at, to be smarter than me, to teach me something new, to expand my proverbial horizons. I'm frequently told that I should leave the Uptown neighborhood (see: Del Frisco's Grille paragraph) to find more of what I'm looking for. I will. Thankfully, there are so many more restaurants to try here, and that excites me. Hopefully once more of life's chaos subsides (fingers crossed) and the weather warms (guaranteed), I will experience and re-experience more of what this cosmopolitan southern city has to offer its gourmand residents.

“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay at home.” ~  James Michener